


Always But Never

by weallshipthebullshit



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Drunk Harry, Fluff and Angst, Gay, M/M, One Shot, Oneshot, Reality, Sad, Sad Harry, Twitter, always in my heart, break-up, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, tweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 11:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3172450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weallshipthebullshit/pseuds/weallshipthebullshit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the 'Always in My Heart' tweet hitting the #2 most retweeted tweet on twitter, and this tumblr prompt:</p><p>"Someone write an angsty fic where that tweet hits 2nd most retweeted but they aren’t together anymore so it’s like PAIN for the both of them and then Harry calls Louis (drunk or something) like “did you mean it?” And Louis is confused and Harry says “did you really mean I’m always in your heart?” And Harry’s crying Louis is quiet for a couple seconds but it feels like hours and finally he whispers “of course I did, haz'"</p><p>Or in other words, a oneshot where Harry is still trying to get over Louis when he believes Louis has already moved on. The one tweet that meant the most to them suddenly makes a re-appearance and Harry feels like his heart has broken all over again, so, he drinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always But Never

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by huffleharry on tumblr! 'Always in My Heart' hit the second most retweeted tweet of all time yesterday so why not make this? It's sort of sad and fluff, no happy or sad ending I suppose. This is my first work on ao3, so let's see how it goes. (:

It's nearly time for dinner in LA, when Harry sees it. The online headline from Celebrity Yahoo UK, loud and clear,  _[Louis Tomlinson Declaring His Love For Harry Styles Beats Obama To Become Second Most Retweeted Tweet In History](https://uk.celebrity.yahoo.com/gossip/omg/louis-tomlinson-declaring-his-love-for-harry-styles-beats-obama-to-become-second-most-retweeted-tweet-in-history-210908687.html). _ Only four months ago would that have been enough to bring Harry to tears, but now, staring down at his phone screen, skimming through the article about how in love him and Louis are, he feels empty. So empty, numb, he's just been completely shattered. He had been getting better, he had, finally getting over the boy he was in love with for almost four years. But he just cracks, and that's when Harry knows he hasn't been getting better or happier at all, he's just been avoiding his feelings, the whole problem really.

Harry knows this is just the start of it, there's bound to be other articles about this within the next 24 hours, the news already spreading like wildfire on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. 

 _'Has_   _Louis seen it too?'_ He wonders, as he closes the tab on his phone, then clicking the button and pocketing it in his jeans. It's most likely that he's seen it, or maybe he hasn't, he could be too busy with Eleanor. _  
_

And that's where Harry's eye tear up, the thought of Louis leaving him for a girl, someone who everyone would accept, is one thing that Harry could never bare to think about. But the truth is, it's his reality, and it fucking sucks. Just when he thought he was out of tears, getting stronger and finally accepting that Louis would never love him again, this one symbol of their love, makes a gigantic re-appearance. Least when he expected it too, completely caught off guard.

Harry stands up from his bed with teary eyes, making his way to his bedroom bathroom to grab a tissue, yet he finds himself staring at the little palm tree toothbrush holder, the one Louis insisted they had to buy when they went to Fiji for their three year anniversary. Louis' white and green toothbrush, the one he would keep there for when he and Harry snuck off the LA together, is still sitting there. It's in the third out of the four holes, Louis always saying that three was his lucky number.

Once Harry realizes he's been in the bathroom for a good five minutes thinking over a tooth brush, he throws the now dirty tissue into the waste bin quickly, then getting out of the bathroom and cutting down to the kitchen all in one quick line. 

He's running on auto-pilot, not really conscious of what his brain is wanting him to do, he's too busy thinking about Louis. There's so many memories, suddenly popping up, one's that haven't entered his thought process in months. It's a lot to take in at once, something that's seemingly so simple, triggering him into this state again. 

So when Harry sits down on the white couch, in the way-to-big living room, and pops off the first bottle cap to a beer, he must admit he is a little hesitant, but it doesn't take long before he's chugging it down, lips coming off with a satisfying  _pop_. He almost forgot he had the two six-packs in the fridge, but here they are. 

He's started to watch some reality show on a cable channel, when he's starting the second, later finding out that it's _Toddlers in Tiaras_. Louis and Harry, alike, both hated the show, only watching it for background noise, or simply to get a good laugh, but Harry doesn't seem to care. He never got American TV anyways.

By the third drink he's on a second episode, slightly, tipsy, and feeling the dizziness and buzzing feeling begin to set in. He's propped his bare feet up onto the coffee table, toes curling in when he laughs at one of the girl's sassy remark, clutching the glass bottle to his chest. Why is he laughing again?

Harry shakes his head, widening his eyes as he does so, as if trying to shake the dizzy feeling off of him. Of course, it's useless.

When he reaches across the table to grab his fourth round, his phone falls out of his pocket and onto the floor. He claws blindly until he's found it, tossing it across the couch and successfully grabbing the full bottle of liquid. 

He's still not really aware of what he's doing, blindly following his instincts, falling into the old habits of three months ago. Downing drink after drink, until he's finished the first six pack and already stumbling back to the fridge to grab the second and bring it to the couch. 

 _Toddlers in Tiaras_ ends up to be having a marathon, and Harry watches all of them, laughing at absolutely nothing, becoming more and more vocal with each drink. After downing his eighth beer he's tearing up again, his minds constantly flashing by with memories of Louis. Their first kiss, first time, those times when Louis would come home late and make love to him. The way that Louis loved Harry's long hair and how he would pull it as he pounded him into the mattress. There's a lot of loving things in those memories, and a lot of things about their sex life.

Harry is snapped from his thoughts when a six year old on the TV says something particularly sassy, and with tears going down his cheeks, he talks to the TV, as if he's talking to Louis. "Sounds like something you would say Lou." He doesn't say it loudly, but it's loud enough to hear over the voice-over on the TV program. 

"y'were always so sassy." Harry mumbles, looking down at nothing in his lap, speech already beginning to slur. "Especially when we fought, we did a lot of that before you left me." He raises his voice again. "Remember that Louis! How much you enjoyed yelling at me! You always made me think I was doing something wrong, always fucking up something you had going for you!" He raises his voice enough to make the sound echo against the high tan ceilings. 

"I bet you were so happy when we finally broke up, you were free and didn't have the dead weight holding you down anymore!" He's yelling now, the TV show long forgotten, just yelling up at the ceiling high above his head. "'member that? Claimed you didn't love me 'nymore, told me it 'asn't workin', we had gone wrong!" And he knows he sounds crazy, but it seems that no one ever wants to listen to how he feels, and in all the haziness of his drunken state it seems to make sense.

He continues to yell, he's alone anyways. "You told me you didn't care any longer, you didn't love me. Why didn't you t-take down that damn tweet." He's crying even harder, breath shaky, but his voice is becoming softer, and he's pretty sure the numbness of it all is wearing off, because this is cold, hard, pain. "I thought you loved me, I thought I was  _always in your heart_." Harry whispers and that's when he completely looses his.

Sobbing into the sleeve of his plaid flannel, the one Louis liked to wear as well, he's crying harder than he has in a long time. He's not sure if it's the alcohol making him like this, or just the mere thought of someone he's still in love with. "You-you said you would f-fight for me." He sniffles and wipes his nose on the end of the sleeve.

What he begins to do, is probably one of the dumbest things he's done in his life, but it makes sense. It does. Right? When you have eight and a half beers it does, anyways. He has already grabbed his phone, lucky enough not to have a passcode, because he can barely keep focus on the numbers written on the keypad when he goes to his calls. He's not considering anything really, although London is eight hours ahead, he presses the two, to speed dial Louis. 

It's three am in London, Louis flipping over in bed quickly, freaking out at the sudden noise, he them remembers he forgot the shut down his cell phone last night, and nearly hangs up when he see's the contact name that he still has long to change,  _Hazzabear_ , with about five emojis around it. Him and Harry haven't spoken for a proper four months, half of the break before tour already over, so when he sees Harry's ID going across the screen his stomach sinks and his mouth goes dry. Something is bound to be wrong. Right before the call goes to voicemail he's swiping his thumb across the screen.

"Harry?" He's whispering, trying not to wake up a sleeping Eleanor beside him. 

There's no reply, only ragged breathing, since Harry has gotten his sobbing down to a minimum, but the tears are flowing even harder, blocking his sight of anything, everything pretty much blurring together.

"Harry, are you okay?"

Why did Harry do this again?

There's shuffling next to Louis, and Eleanor is snapping on her bedside lamp, sitting up, turning to Louis and raising a questioning eyebrow. Louis looks back at her, giving her a quick _I'm-not-sure-what-the-fuck-is-happening_ face, before he's getting his focus back to Harry.

"Ha-" Louis can't even get Harry's name out again before Harry is interrupting him again, his voice slurred, and Louis is panicking even further, this isn't one of those embarrassing drunk phone call things right?

"Did you mean it?"

Louis furrows his eyebrows, is Harry actually drunk? Harry doesn't drink enough to get piss drunk, right? Harry hasn't drank that heavy since they were teenagers,  _right?_ "Harry, are you drunk?" He ignores Harry's question, guessing the younger lad doesn't know what he's saying. Eleanor's eyes widen slightly and she continues to listen in.

"Yes." Harry giggles. He fucking  _giggles_. But he's still crying, Louis can hear how empty the laugh was, how insincere he sounds. And that scares Louis. A lot.

"H-Harry, how many did you drink? And what of?" To say Louis is scared, is an understatement. He's bloody terrified. 

"Almost..." and Harry is holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder so he can put up pointless fingers to count the amount. "Almost nine, nine beers. Llllouuu...I called to ask you a q-question." And that's when Louis is positive that Harry is crying again. What is going on?

Louis sighs and closes his eyes, pressing his thumb and his pointer finger to the bridge of his nose. "Shoot, Haz." The nickname just slips.

"Did you mean it?" Harry slurs, his voice shaking and lip trembling.

There's the same question from when he first got on. It's three bloody in the morning, he can't process Harry's strange riddles right now. "Mean what?"

"Did you mean that I'm always in your heart?" It's trembly, and breathy, and Harry is on the verge of sobbing again. 

Louis stops dead in his tracks, his breathing quits, and he swears his heart skipped one or two beats. Eleanor is putting a hand on his shoulder, looking confused, and slightly worried for him. But Louis ignores her. "W-why are you bringing this up right now?" It seems a bit out of the blue.

"Your tweet broke the charts to go up to number two most retweeted. They seem to enjoy the bullshit of you declaring your love for me." Harry nearly cries out, spitting the word ' _bullshit_ ' like it's venom.  **  
**

He beat Obama?

"Did you mean it Lou?"

There's a few beats of silence, the question still completely taking Louis of guard. All that is heard before Louis answers were Harry's small whimpers and shaggy breaths. "Of course I did, Haz."

Then Harry looses it, sobbing into the receiver, and Louis is shocked, he's never heard Harry cry this hard before. "Y-You sad you didn't love m-me!' Harry chokes out, and Louis' jaw goes slack, he might cry himself.

The truth is, he didn't want to break up with Harry, management did. So figuring he had no choice, he dumped Harry, did something to break his heart, and went to Eleanor, also figuring she was his only option at the moment. But he's so desperately in love with his boy, those long brown curls, that soothing voice, his long beautiful body. It fucking hurts, and he's the only one that knows.

"That was such a lie, Harry, I thought you would've known me better than that." Louis' own voice is becoming choked up, and he's doing all of this in front of  _Eleanor_ , of all people. 

Harry's sobbing goes down and he takes in a few shallow breaths, before replying. "W-what? W-why would you lie?" He's drunk off his mind, and he can barely remember what this is about, but the pang in his chest serves a reminder.

"I-I'm not sure why." Louis lies, trying to keep his breathing under control so his eyes don't water. 

The line is quiet for the longest time, just like before, Harry's crying and breathing is all he can hear. Then Harry says the strongest he can in his drunken state, "You sa-said you would fight for me, b-but you didn't." Then he's gone. He's clicked the end button, and everything is just silent. 

Louis' messed up, and it's too late. He did that to Harry, he  _broke_ one of the nicest people in his life. What has he done?


End file.
